cut to the chase, I'm afraid to fall in love. part of it is like a self-fulfilling prophesy of I'm afraid my lack of experience will either be a turn off or that people will take advantage of my lack of knowledge. my first reaction when I find out someone has never been in a relationship but has been trying is something is wrong with them. so yes, I do wonder if something is wrong with me. I go as far to compare myself to people I see as less desirable than myself and wonder if they can get someone, why can't I?
another fear is I'll end up with someone for the wrong reasons - just wanting the experience and settling for less than I truly want. I always seem to attract socially awkward people or creepers. I am a bit socially awkward myself, but I want out of that league. is that too much to ask for?
I have some ideals, am a hopeless romantic but all my notions are from what I see, hear and read in the media and real life, none of it is personal experience. I think I know what I want, but I probably won't know for sure until I find someone.
People tell me that everything will work out in time, but the more time passes me by and nothing changes, I can't help but wonder if I'm doomed to be single unless I settle for someone I don't completely want.
This is a topic I try to hold my head high when people ask, but underneath, I'm annoyed with myself and the world because I can't figure out how to make things work out like I want.
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