rambles and wishes

Is it me or my camera that is resulting in the bad photos?

Even though I only bought a gift for a friend at the store and critiqued the store and its products with the friend I was there with, I've decided after only one visit that I really like the store "Charming Charlie".  there's something about that large of a store that is 90% jewelry/accessories that makes a girl love it.

We've also come to the consensus that Owls are currently the hot fashion animal right now, though we think some of the stuff is a bit creepy.

I browsed around the craft store and my interest of making jewelry was heightened.  fortunately, I only walked out with one set of beads, that was on clearance.

I wish I could wear headbands, but I can never find any that don't give me a headache after an hour.

I want to figure out how to be more mature.  I am tired of constantly being considered a kid, and one of the reasons, according to my friend, is I don't appear as mature as I could.

I have the odd habit of wanting books in a series to all be either hardcover or paper back.  having a series that is mixed between paperback and hardcover peeves me.

My laptop A/C adapter keeps dying, which might be related to a new, different kind of battery.

And now, for some wishes for the new year
-I wish to finally graduate, six years in college is enough for me
-I wish to find a job, not only for the upcoming semester but one for when I finally do graduate.
-I wish to NOT move back into my parents house, but to stay in the Hampton Roads area.  this will require finding a roommate and job.

You can sit beside me when the world comes down

I am cursing my genes.  There's a thick impossible mess on my head known as hair and it would seem my dad's been getting the same comments I have since he's been in college about appearing younger than he is.   Was upon a time, the thirty-something year old navy captain that is my dad was regularly mistaken as a college freshmen.  oye.

I asked for wardrobe help in form of a facebook note, and then it dawned on me what I can do - different neck cuts and stop neglecting my jewelry.

Headbands would be nice if they different give me headaches.

Adventures that I'd like to do in the next semester include but are not limited to: Colonial Williamsburg (never been?!), Presidents Park (also in Williamsburg) and a science museum with friends (ie Richmond Science Museum).

Painter Markers are my new best friend.

I have come to realize that best friends are the people who you can be separated by space and time, but when you reconnect, nothing has changed between you.

2010: the year that Daria officially and finally comes out on DVD

my old external hard drive is a step away from being lost to the world.  the only thing stopping it is my refusal to give up.  so much data on it that I don't want to lose, but also don't want to spend thousands of dollars on to retrieve.  damn technology.

<3 Libraries.  Saving bookworms everywhere money.

Target isn't heaven, but it's like two steps below.

My goal in life is easier said than done.  the goal is to be happy.

Once you have a walk in closet, it's very very hard to switch to anything else.  This is from experience.

I can not read more than two scroll lengths worth of reading online without struggling.

Why is that clothing always looks better online than it does in person?

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements

My printer is a whore and I found out after five years that I've been supporting its habit.  damn printer.

CNU should get David Bowie and some dancing muppets to go with this ever changing labyrinth that's going on.

I still get the urges to beat someone up just to prove to everyone, including myself, I can.

I know where I've been.  not everyone believes parts and no one knows as much as they think they do.  I think I prefer it that way.

I find it hard to compliment myself or admitting that I'm good at something.  I'm beating myself up with a smile on my face.

Sometimes, I feel like I am afraid to be happy because I know it won't last nearly long enough.

Really wish I had my external hard drive with all the goods on it.

I feel like I am frozen in time and am jealous of those moving forward.

College is fun, but those damn classes get in the way

I will probably forever hate my hair.  thick, wavy hair on someone who doesn't like to put more than five minutes into fixing it is a terrible combination.

There are secrets I keep to myself, only because the reaction I anticipate isn't one I want.

I hate that I find myself gossiping so much, but there are times that I hate the silence and my life feels too dull to talk about.

I wish I could figure out when guys were flirting with me at the moment they are flirting with me, not a month later.  there have been a few guys I missed out on, simply because I didn't put the pieces together in time.

I love pickup games (informal sporting events), but my favorite specific sport is soccer.  I would love to pick it up again.

My philosophy on killing bugs: if they're outside, I'll shoo them away.  if they are inside, well that's my environment and they are trespassing, thus they must die.  I will and can kill any bug I manage to catch.

Women's brains are like spaghetti and men's are like waffles.  women have all their thoughts somehow connected, flowing from one to another, while men have compartments, that rarely intermix.

my thought process rarely makes sense to other people, but if I announced each step of getting from one idea to another, it would make a whole lot more sense.

I want a jumping photo of myself

p.s. I lost the game

APO: drives me crazy at times but I know I would not be who I am without it

This girl is always looking for a cotton black halter top. a simple item that seems impossible to find.

I love converses, it's a shame that the shoes are so thin and have their backs wear through in less than a month.

On a similar note, the back of the shoe is always the first to wear for me. probably is related to the bad habit of forgetting to untie my shoes before taking them off.

The number one thing my parents complain about when I am home: I slam the toilet lid in the bathroom that their bed is on the other side of the wall of.

You know you have too many emails when you can't remember what email a website account is linked to, and thus lose at trying to reset a password.

There are some things that I always forget but am ashamed/embarrassed to put memos up around my room to remind me.

I need to find a job since my current job is no longer available to me after December 11.

http://1000awesomethings.com/ is a website someone posted a link to on facebook. I am sharing the smiles it has brought me.

One of my resolutions to save some money is to buy less books, especially hard cover books. instead, I am taking advantage of my local libraries or at least waiting until a book comes into paperback.

Why must books always come into hardcover before paperback? I would think the paperback is cheaper to produce.

Another resolution: drink more water. in fact, I should add that to my 101 Things in 1001 Days

also, still looking for suggestions of what to add to that incomplete list.

thoughts of the moment

I am becoming self-conscious about my body odor because of a automatic air freshener. but do I really smell that bad even right after a shower? *grumbles*

I am looking for photographic inspiration. I am also feeling let down by my camera - the photo quality is starting to suck and that is not cool. I am considering to start looking for a second hand DSLR, since they get better quality photos but a second hand one would be cheaper and better for a noob.

I just called myself a noob.

It is November 4th (well, now it's the 5th) and after a week of cold weather, we all the sudden had a huge ass thunder/lightening storm. the strangeness of it freaked me out, usually I love storms like these.

I am disappointed in myself for not voting, I forgot to apply for an absentee ballot in time and was unable to do the 2.5 trip home to vote. I believe that if you didn't do the duty of voting, then you don't really have a right to complain about the results. It's going to be a very long four years. *grumbles some more*

I had originally wanted to do my internship at the Boys and Girls Club because the recreational atmosphere for children is where I would like to see myself after graduation. The internship has confirmed how happy it makes me.

I really dislike when people take photos of me, and then never share them. this currently applies to three different friends.

Every time I go to a public library, I am reminded how much I love those places. good reading material without the cost!

I have a website to build, and another one to tune. so much work, but it'll be worth my time.

Today, I was told the formula for happiness, and did not get a chance to write it down.

Took the midnight train going anywhere

Gummy worms make me think of my childhood. so many memories with the simple candy.

I am debating getting a paid account on LJ again. the joys of more icons and options is so tempting.

I don't care for country music, but can't resist Taylor Swift's pop-edit songs.

I really need to clean my car, both interior and exterior.

I am generally clean in terms of being organized, but when it comes to the dusting/vacuuming and nit-gritty cleaning, that's a whole other story.

I can't seem to wear any headbands without getting a headache. this does not sit well with me.

Thick wavy hair on someone who doesn't like to spend longer than five minutes fixing it is something like a curse, especially in the summer.

one liner thoughts of the moment

sometimes, I yearn for the memories I never made.

We tend to regret what we didn't do, not what we did.

I'd like to think that by not thinking about stuff, it'd go away. it never truly works.

The mask is a hardened shell, but occasionally it cracks.

I have developed a routine to sing while sitting Santoro front desk. This time, along with Glee (again)

Every time I watch Scrubs, I find myself drawn to J.D. and compare our personalities. I like to think there's a lot of similarities.

I wonder how many opportunities I might have had for something more but missed simply because I wasn't aware of what was going on until it was too late.

If given three wishes, I would 1) have the homework I really don't want to do to complete itself well 2) find a cure for my lack of motivation/drive to get things done 3) find a cure for my procrastination

I judge people based on the bumper stickers they have on their cars

My life, overall, is rather boring.

I <3 Kurt Halsey artwork

I realize I constantly doubt most things I say about myself, I am not as confident in myself as I wish I could be. it's primarily because I don't know how to seem confident without thinking as myself as annoyingly confident/full of myself.

Molly is bothered

basically, a list of things either currently bothering me or just bother me in general (aka, pet peeves)

-Saturns being killed off. Totally ruins my dream of my first new car being a Saturn.

-My refrigerator that constantly floods. no matter what we do, it somehow produces a lot of moisture and we've got a lake in the refrigerator.

-The air conditioning unit seems to now want to rival the refrigerator in terms of who can produce a bigger lake

-People who take things in stores and then change their minds about purchasing them, leaving them in totally random places.

-People who can't drive. includes, but not limited to, people who speed to get in front of me only to then push their breaks every other second, people who don't turn on their turn signal (especially when there's no turn lane), grannys and gramps drivers

-People who litter. Littering is basically laziness in my book.

-Midterms week

-I really need to use the bathroom but am stuck behind this desk

-The automatic air freshener we have in the apartment seems to do its thing whenever I pass it

-Not enough time in the day to do what I need to and want to do

I either think too much or not enough

we all do things that others find annoying. I am aware of quite of a few things that annoy other people, and some of the behaviors I am really trying to get myself out of habit of doing. the main problem is I don't realize I've done them until afterwords. simply put it, thinking in the moment is not my forte, and it usually leads to problems.

current annoying behaviors I do (if nothing else, to make a list to remind myself)
-obsessive
-gossip/can't shut up
-tread on other people's boundaries/step on toes
-over communicate (as in, send too many emails/messages/etc)

any suggestions on how to work on minimizing this stuff? or how to think in the moment?

thoughts on death and tragedy

these thoughts have been circling around in my mind for a long time now, guess I should get them out. I don't deal with death and tragedy in the normal way. I accept the fact stuff has happened (ie, someone died) and continue on with my life. I don't cry much anymore when I found out someone died, when I'm at viewings or funerals. if anything, I feel uncomfortable because everyone else is crying and I'm not. I could see being called insensitive, but the reality is I prefer to deal with this stuff on my own time in my own way.

I am no stranger to death, my first funeral was for a family member just a few years older than me. I was 13. during my five years of college, I've been to four funerals: 3 grandparents and one for a cousin (again just a few years older than me). I've been to viewings and been the shoulder to cry on, putting aside my own discomfort for the sake of others.

so today, 9/11. I probably am being insensitive, wanting to just carry on with my day as normal. 9/11 did hit too close when it happened, after all, my dad worked at the Pentagon at the time. fortunately, he was on the side not struck and made it out safely. I was terrorized that day, not being able to get a hold of my parents, not knowing if my dad was ok. so maybe I just like to bypass 9/11 so I don't have to remember all those crazy emotions.

tragedy happens, death happens. there's no way to avoid it, so I guess I rather not dwell on the unavoidable and just keep moving on with life. is this bad?

Jack of all trades is not as great as it's cracked up to be

The other day, I was filling out some paperwork that asked if I had any special talents. It's a simple question, but it rarely fails to make me feel a bit miserable and take a smile off my face. I've always felt talent-less. It's not that I'm not good at stuff, but that's the problem, I'm good, not exceptional. I'm mediocre at a lot of things, instead of being exceptional at a few things and terrible at others, I'm just more spread across the board and ok at a lot. It would seem like I'd have the better bargain, but it sure doesn't feel that way.

I've also learned the very few things I thought I was 'talented' in, I'm not as good as I once thought I was. I always thought I'm a good listener, but I've learned that's only when I'm focusing. I admit that when someone comes to me about the same problem or issue for the billionth time, I have the tendency to only pretend I'm listening and make a comment that I feel still works when required to speak. Not as a good a listener as I thought.

hmm... my mind has drifted. I'll leave this as it is for now.

Restart button desired

I got into a speel the other day about how I felt a person was always shrugging me off or otherwise doesn't take what I say seriously. This got me thinking (once again) how I wish I could restart some relationships. There's a good amount of relationships that I feel I got off on the wrong foot with people and now things just aren't that great. And I always get off on the wrong foot with people for one, if not more, of three reasons
1. I'm too caught up in the moment for proper introductions (have it be running around, engaged in another conversation or just lost in my own little world)
2. I don't think about the proper introduction until it's too late
3. For whatever reason, I'm not remember to break out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Sometimes this has to do with the others seem to already have their clique and I'm nervous to try to break into the circle.

I am constantly trying to improve myself in the areas I feel I need to improve, but it goes back to my trouble of being caught in the moment. I don't always remember this stuff when it's most critical. also, I seem at loss to engage in normal conversation. give me the socially awkward label and let's be done with it. I truly want to shrug off the label but it's harder than I ever thought it would be.

but the relationships that are already existing in the state they are, how do I make things better? is it even worth the effort with some of them?

thoughts on love

cut to the chase, I'm afraid to fall in love. part of it is like a self-fulfilling prophesy of I'm afraid my lack of experience will either be a turn off or that people will take advantage of my lack of knowledge. my first reaction when I find out someone has never been in a relationship but has been trying is something is wrong with them. so yes, I do wonder if something is wrong with me. I go as far to compare myself to people I see as less desirable than myself and wonder if they can get someone, why can't I?

another fear is I'll end up with someone for the wrong reasons - just wanting the experience and settling for less than I truly want. I always seem to attract socially awkward people or creepers. I am a bit socially awkward myself, but I want out of that league. is that too much to ask for?

I have some ideals, am a hopeless romantic but all my notions are from what I see, hear and read in the media and real life, none of it is personal experience. I think I know what I want, but I probably won't know for sure until I find someone.

People tell me that everything will work out in time, but the more time passes me by and nothing changes, I can't help but wonder if I'm doomed to be single unless I settle for someone I don't completely want.

This is a topic I try to hold my head high when people ask, but underneath, I'm annoyed with myself and the world because I can't figure out how to make things work out like I want.