Took the midnight train going anywhere

Gummy worms make me think of my childhood. so many memories with the simple candy.

I am debating getting a paid account on LJ again. the joys of more icons and options is so tempting.

I don't care for country music, but can't resist Taylor Swift's pop-edit songs.

I really need to clean my car, both interior and exterior.

I am generally clean in terms of being organized, but when it comes to the dusting/vacuuming and nit-gritty cleaning, that's a whole other story.

I can't seem to wear any headbands without getting a headache. this does not sit well with me.

Thick wavy hair on someone who doesn't like to spend longer than five minutes fixing it is something like a curse, especially in the summer.

one liner thoughts of the moment

sometimes, I yearn for the memories I never made.

We tend to regret what we didn't do, not what we did.

I'd like to think that by not thinking about stuff, it'd go away. it never truly works.

The mask is a hardened shell, but occasionally it cracks.

I have developed a routine to sing while sitting Santoro front desk. This time, along with Glee (again)

Every time I watch Scrubs, I find myself drawn to J.D. and compare our personalities. I like to think there's a lot of similarities.

I wonder how many opportunities I might have had for something more but missed simply because I wasn't aware of what was going on until it was too late.

If given three wishes, I would 1) have the homework I really don't want to do to complete itself well 2) find a cure for my lack of motivation/drive to get things done 3) find a cure for my procrastination

I judge people based on the bumper stickers they have on their cars

My life, overall, is rather boring.

I <3 Kurt Halsey artwork

I realize I constantly doubt most things I say about myself, I am not as confident in myself as I wish I could be. it's primarily because I don't know how to seem confident without thinking as myself as annoyingly confident/full of myself.

Molly is bothered

basically, a list of things either currently bothering me or just bother me in general (aka, pet peeves)

-Saturns being killed off. Totally ruins my dream of my first new car being a Saturn.

-My refrigerator that constantly floods. no matter what we do, it somehow produces a lot of moisture and we've got a lake in the refrigerator.

-The air conditioning unit seems to now want to rival the refrigerator in terms of who can produce a bigger lake

-People who take things in stores and then change their minds about purchasing them, leaving them in totally random places.

-People who can't drive. includes, but not limited to, people who speed to get in front of me only to then push their breaks every other second, people who don't turn on their turn signal (especially when there's no turn lane), grannys and gramps drivers

-People who litter. Littering is basically laziness in my book.

-Midterms week

-I really need to use the bathroom but am stuck behind this desk

-The automatic air freshener we have in the apartment seems to do its thing whenever I pass it

-Not enough time in the day to do what I need to and want to do

I either think too much or not enough

we all do things that others find annoying. I am aware of quite of a few things that annoy other people, and some of the behaviors I am really trying to get myself out of habit of doing. the main problem is I don't realize I've done them until afterwords. simply put it, thinking in the moment is not my forte, and it usually leads to problems.

current annoying behaviors I do (if nothing else, to make a list to remind myself)
-obsessive
-gossip/can't shut up
-tread on other people's boundaries/step on toes
-over communicate (as in, send too many emails/messages/etc)

any suggestions on how to work on minimizing this stuff? or how to think in the moment?

thoughts on death and tragedy

these thoughts have been circling around in my mind for a long time now, guess I should get them out. I don't deal with death and tragedy in the normal way. I accept the fact stuff has happened (ie, someone died) and continue on with my life. I don't cry much anymore when I found out someone died, when I'm at viewings or funerals. if anything, I feel uncomfortable because everyone else is crying and I'm not. I could see being called insensitive, but the reality is I prefer to deal with this stuff on my own time in my own way.

I am no stranger to death, my first funeral was for a family member just a few years older than me. I was 13. during my five years of college, I've been to four funerals: 3 grandparents and one for a cousin (again just a few years older than me). I've been to viewings and been the shoulder to cry on, putting aside my own discomfort for the sake of others.

so today, 9/11. I probably am being insensitive, wanting to just carry on with my day as normal. 9/11 did hit too close when it happened, after all, my dad worked at the Pentagon at the time. fortunately, he was on the side not struck and made it out safely. I was terrorized that day, not being able to get a hold of my parents, not knowing if my dad was ok. so maybe I just like to bypass 9/11 so I don't have to remember all those crazy emotions.

tragedy happens, death happens. there's no way to avoid it, so I guess I rather not dwell on the unavoidable and just keep moving on with life. is this bad?

Jack of all trades is not as great as it's cracked up to be

The other day, I was filling out some paperwork that asked if I had any special talents. It's a simple question, but it rarely fails to make me feel a bit miserable and take a smile off my face. I've always felt talent-less. It's not that I'm not good at stuff, but that's the problem, I'm good, not exceptional. I'm mediocre at a lot of things, instead of being exceptional at a few things and terrible at others, I'm just more spread across the board and ok at a lot. It would seem like I'd have the better bargain, but it sure doesn't feel that way.

I've also learned the very few things I thought I was 'talented' in, I'm not as good as I once thought I was. I always thought I'm a good listener, but I've learned that's only when I'm focusing. I admit that when someone comes to me about the same problem or issue for the billionth time, I have the tendency to only pretend I'm listening and make a comment that I feel still works when required to speak. Not as a good a listener as I thought.

hmm... my mind has drifted. I'll leave this as it is for now.

Restart button desired

I got into a speel the other day about how I felt a person was always shrugging me off or otherwise doesn't take what I say seriously. This got me thinking (once again) how I wish I could restart some relationships. There's a good amount of relationships that I feel I got off on the wrong foot with people and now things just aren't that great. And I always get off on the wrong foot with people for one, if not more, of three reasons
1. I'm too caught up in the moment for proper introductions (have it be running around, engaged in another conversation or just lost in my own little world)
2. I don't think about the proper introduction until it's too late
3. For whatever reason, I'm not remember to break out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Sometimes this has to do with the others seem to already have their clique and I'm nervous to try to break into the circle.

I am constantly trying to improve myself in the areas I feel I need to improve, but it goes back to my trouble of being caught in the moment. I don't always remember this stuff when it's most critical. also, I seem at loss to engage in normal conversation. give me the socially awkward label and let's be done with it. I truly want to shrug off the label but it's harder than I ever thought it would be.

but the relationships that are already existing in the state they are, how do I make things better? is it even worth the effort with some of them?

thoughts on love

cut to the chase, I'm afraid to fall in love. part of it is like a self-fulfilling prophesy of I'm afraid my lack of experience will either be a turn off or that people will take advantage of my lack of knowledge. my first reaction when I find out someone has never been in a relationship but has been trying is something is wrong with them. so yes, I do wonder if something is wrong with me. I go as far to compare myself to people I see as less desirable than myself and wonder if they can get someone, why can't I?

another fear is I'll end up with someone for the wrong reasons - just wanting the experience and settling for less than I truly want. I always seem to attract socially awkward people or creepers. I am a bit socially awkward myself, but I want out of that league. is that too much to ask for?

I have some ideals, am a hopeless romantic but all my notions are from what I see, hear and read in the media and real life, none of it is personal experience. I think I know what I want, but I probably won't know for sure until I find someone.

People tell me that everything will work out in time, but the more time passes me by and nothing changes, I can't help but wonder if I'm doomed to be single unless I settle for someone I don't completely want.

This is a topic I try to hold my head high when people ask, but underneath, I'm annoyed with myself and the world because I can't figure out how to make things work out like I want.